The 1,000 in 1

I have never really counted myself lucky. Never won anything and I value my money too much to gamble. It becomes very apparent to everyone else that when you get cancer at 19, you're not very lucky.

But...

I do consider myself to be blessed. Blessed beyond imagination because my father has a home for me in my final resting place... Heaven. Blessed that I wasn't 5 when I got cancer. Blessed that I didn't die. Blessed that I have a father, mother, sister, brother, nieces, nephews, and a hoard of other family members that care about how I am doing. Blessed with a husband and stable jobs. Close friends.

But...

Sometimes that doesn't feel like enough. Why?! God opened up his hands and said, "Look my child. I give you this, these are my blessings being poured out for you." Right now they are here. I don't have to wait. Yet, I still yearn for more. I wonder what life is like across the ocean. I wonder why adoption is so hard and why God choose me to not have children. Why some friendships haven't worked out.

I forget....

That we live in an imperfect world and I have many flaws myself. I want HAPPINESS!

But...

I am keeping myself from being happy. I keep getting wrapped up in what the world perceives to be happiness. I forget to enjoy what I have now, in this moment, and allow God to unfold his plan in his own time.... and I keep getting FRUSTRATED! I know God has big things for me, that he doesn't want his children to SUFFER and that Satan has a much larger hold on this Earth than we can imagine.

So.

I am going to try to gain something back. I am going to try to break my habit. Of course I am tired of this pain, tired of waiting, tired of griping, but those are the easy things to do... Harder would be to live for the blessings that you have now, to let go and live for the moment, and casting the cares and worries on God.
Sad, huh? That should be reversed.

So here it is. The 1,000 in 1.  Patented by Ann Voskamp herself. Of course I am talking about the 1,000 Gifts in 1 year. (I actually don't know how long it took her to make her list, but I am giving myself a deadline.) I am going to carry a notebook, and camera, around with me and count my blessings... the little gifts in life that God gives us each day that I usually take for GRANTED. ugh. Sorry Lord.

For example:
1) Apple Cider candles lit on a cool fall morning.
2) Kitties that curl into your lap and purr while you stroke them.
3) a hug from a close friend when you need it the most.

These are the gifts. The ones that I want to count and document. Because there is much more in life to talk about than misery and hate and the new gossip. Because love goes further and lasts longer than anything else.

Just because.

:-)