Frustrations

"Chemobrain" is real and a diagnosable illness. Of course, as you can tell by the name, chemo affects your brain in more ways than one.

First off, chemotherapy exits your body mainly through your hands, feet, and your head. (it also targets fast growing cells....that's why you lose your hair and nails.) The head, of course, is the main exiting strategy for all the chemicals and toxins. Chemo brain is the excuse we use when we get all mixed up and can't remember things. "Oh, I just have chemobrain." Everyone laughs.... but truth is, there is actual chemobrain. It's not a joke.

I believe the main reason why cancer seems so much like a distant nightmare is because afterward, when treatment is done, your brain slowly starts functioning back properly. I don't remember a whole lot. Certain conversations I can't really recall. I do remember some "lightbulb memories." In psychology we call them light bulb memories because at one moment something tremendous happened and just that moment stuck with us...we can see it clear as day.

For example: I would think that I barely received any cards from family members. Now, I realize that I received tons of cards! A lot! Some, I just completely forgot about and never even opened. They would come in the mail, I saw them, put them down, and forgot....for months. I couldn't remember exactly who I had called. For example: I called my Aunt Kathy once when I had just started my first phase. I thanked her for a present she had given me. When did I finally remember that I had done this? Just now... at the beginning of August. I was wondering if I ever thanked her for the beautiful bracelet she had given me back in OCTOBER.

Yesterday, it was just sooooo hard for me. My brain is still learning how to get back on top. Sometimes, I will be on the phone or tlaking to someone and I will have to concentrate really really hard to complete a sentence or to hold concentration.

In fact, I had 5 thank you cards be returned to me yesterday because I forgot to put a stamp on them. I lose my phone all the time because I forget really fast where I put it. And sometimes I even forget that I called my parents that day, I don't remember until I call the second time. I repeat myself a lot because sometimes I don't remember that I have told you the story already.

The most frustrating thing, is that someone will ask me a question. My head starts going with the answer but sometimes I can't focus hard enough to make it all come out right. Ugh....

Definetly, not fun.

Moral of the story....if you ever deal with a cancer patient. Go easy on them and give them time to think on questions. If they don't remember something....don't be too hard on them.