Remembering

I was just recently reading some other stories about colon cancer survivors. My situation could be a lot worse, I know. Every time I read a story about cancer or hear about cancer, I could practically break down and start crying every time. Why? Because I know the fear. I understand the turmoil and chaos that ensues after you hear the words "you have cancer." I have flash backs to laying on the bed after the colonoscopy and watching the doctor leaning up against the bed rail and sighing while looking very gloomy. It plays back in my mind in slow motion. I remember turning to my mom and bursting out into tears after the shock left saying "mommy, I have cancer..." and it was a heavy silence that followed because there are no words for that.

Yeah, so I'm strong, independent, and got kind of a stubborn head till this day. I have dedicated my life to striving for the best in everything. I work hard at work, learning everything I can... I try to pull the best grades at school, freak out when I get a B, and I try to balance everything with my personal life. I think cancer is teaching me how to let go of things more often. I don't care how I look and appreciate the days that I actually try to do makeup and hair. I'm quitting work for the first time in 5 years. I'm going to spend more time with family, doing family things, and spend more time exercising, focusing more on school, and lowering stress levels by working out. I may spend more time camping on my good weeks, rather than going into the office and taking on the stress and drama of the day. I want to get active with working with children again...so I need to find a church if I move. If I don't move- I need to get back into my home church and help out again.
For the next three months, I'm going to dedicate going back to building relationships, doing what I love, and learning some more but not about an office. After three or four months, then I'll probably go back to looking for a job and get rolling again on a whole new different level. By then I can say I've made it through cancer and still have a lot to do in life. Which is cool. Gives you an entirely different perspective on life. If my parents move back to MN in July, I'll probably spend a month with them, catch up with the family and then head back to CO to live on my own again. I think I've gotten use to it....

I would also like to say as an advanced warning for all of you: Go get your colonoscopy done at the proper time and get your regular checks. If your doctor is saying it's only IBS or hemorrhoids but they can't back it up with proof: I would go get a colonoscopy. No matter how old you are. If you have a family history of colon cancer, then I would suggest to you to get one starting at the age of 40 not 50. If you come back clean then it's every 10 years....so you'll get one at the age of 50 as well. It's nice to have peace of mind.