I find myself diving into books and reading them like my life depended on it. It seems as if I can't get enough. Stopping mid-way through the book and dragging myself back into reality is a little bit harder each time... I would rather just keep my head in a story I can day dream about.
Anyway, I have my ups and downs of course. To describe the emotional pain is enough to make someone else feel like they are hurting and would want to puke. Make sense? Then again, I am my typical bubbly self keeping on the normal life course and I often wonder why is everyone so worried? Of course, it'll all come back to bite me. hmmmm, I hope I don't go bi-polar with this.
Lol. Not a chance. I'm too stable. Sometimes scarily stable. I look at people as if they are ridiculous for putting sorrow and pity in their eyes when I tell them about the cancer. I don't understand sometimes. Other times though- it's a lost cause to even talk to me about how everything will be fine.
It's a nightmare and I'm trying to flee for my life before it catches me. Maybe once it does catch me, I'll be free and done with it.
So... on other news. I think we are trying to plan a trip to MN? I heard it out of dad's mouth. But I'm not too sure. It's a tricky thing to plan when I have treatments and school and work all at once here in CO. So all of you up there may have to wait till summer... when I am on my tail end of second chemo treatment.
Genetic counseling has been set up. It's on Monday for the appointment and I'm scared to death about it. I would rather not hear what they have to say. If they say that it is in my blood and I am more prone to it, then my whole future is even more screwed up than it is now. From what I see right now, if I have a genetic disorder for colon cancer my future looks dark. I have stressed and worried about many things before but nothing that dealt with having cancer. It'll be the cherry on the top if my blood tests positive.
So there is the new news. hehe. : ) I hope all is well on your ends.
9 comments:
Wish I could pinch you and wake you up...All I can do is be here to keep you entertained and well fed... Don't run from your emotions. Let them out so they are gone when the cancer is gone, and you can leave this all in the dust.
Good counsel, big sis! Keep expressing your feelings, Jo - God knows them all anyway and we all will love you through them!
Minnesota is waiting . . . patiently!
But not too patiently! We would all love to see you sooner than later!
Praying all goes well Monday! I just love to read your blogs! I really hope you can make it to MN sometime, because I'd love to meet you and give you a great big hug!! I will be waiting for that trip!
It means so much to hear you express your feelings, and I think thats why I love to hear from you! I love to know how your doing too.
Keep me in touch when your up to it, but I have people to find out how your doing!! You can't get away from me, hehe
Love you!!
Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
1 There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven:
2 a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
6 a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8 a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.
and just for you, there's a time to blog, and a time to read, and a time to vent. :-)
It was wonderful to see you at church on Sunday, and to meet Ryan and discover he really isn't a cyclops. :-P (I hope I didn't squeeze you too hard!!!)
God has a plan for you; it's hard to see it now, but He's got you in his hand and he won't let you go!
Hey Jo, I'm a friend of Erica's and have been following your blog. I just wanted to let you know that you have been in my thoughts and prayers. I'm thinking good thoughts for you and wishing nothing but the best for you!
Mindy
So it sounds like you've got quite a bit of traveling planned in the near future. I really hope you're able to make all of the trips and that you feel wonderful while you're away from home. I also hope they provide you with many fond memories with family and friends. Just to let you know, Ryan's mom has been keeping us up-to-date with your progress in-between your blogs, so we've been praying for you alot. My husband, Bryan, also asks if you've updated your blog every time he calls me from the road. You're definitely in our thoughts and prayers. Keep up the fight!
Okay, color me confused. I was hoping that thinking about it longer would make it make sense for me, but apparently those blonde roots run deep. Why would a genetic predisposition to colon cancer be worse than finding out you have it? You have it, you're fighting it... What will the blood test mean?
Hi Jo!
Scott, Amanda & I are thinking of you and praying for you everyday. It's wonderful that you are able to express your feelings in your blog. But don't poke too much fun at being bi-polar because I was diagnosed as being such! Can you believe that! I'm only slightly, though. There are different levels of it. But it's not all that bad! Your thoughts do not define who you are. Thoughts are just thoughts whether they freak us out or not!
You are a brave young woman, with much determination to live life to the full & I know you will.
All my love & many hugs
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