Death

Did I get your attention with the title? hehe.

I've been in a thoughtful mood.

Cancer has allowed me to look at a few different things in life.
First is God, he gave us heaven and that is more than you will ever have...and he loves you for the way you are. What more do you need?
Next is Family, there would be no bigger mistake than to turn against and lash out against them. They are your strong hold in everything...you hurt them, you lose yourself.
Equal to Family is Love. The biggest blessing that God gave is this. The biggest blessing in my life was Ryan...he fits right in.
Finally Death- I've thought about it a lot. I probably know more than I need to know about it. It's pretty fascinating. I do not wish for it now but I do wish for it to come later...I want to meet my maker.

I saw my grandfather go through this cancer on a worse level. He had stage four. I remember how many people were sad and crying. I remember dreaming of what heaven would be like for him. I'm not stage four and I will beat cancer but I often dream of what heaven and what death is like.

It's a funny thing. To think that you are going to go through all this pain and suffering and then poof it's gone. You won't remember the pain, material possessions, and all the problems. I guess they are not worth taking all of your attention now because they won't matter later. The biggest thing I fear is that I won't remember those I loved. But that's silly, of course I will. God will give me what I need/want and I want Love to be up there and all my family.

I sit in the chemo room and just observe what's going on around me. They are all fighters. There are no worried faces nor glances, there are no tears, and no anger. Everyone just sits chatting with each other, reading, or doing puzzles. They are locked inside of their own worlds, patiently fighting off this disease that threatens to take their life. What else can they do? I'm doing the same thing. I smile because I know I have eternal life and do not fear death. I would be sad that I would leave everyone in pain.


Life is too much of a run around. You want to know something? Ask. Too shy? I do not and will not judge. Angry? Yell at me and you probably won't phase me to being angry or hateful.... I'll just be sad but I'll still talk to you. Got a problem? Let me know. I will bluntly tell you my thoughts, not in a mean way but a loving way. :)

Glad to have reached this level.