The Circle of Life

I don't want to do round three of chemo.

I don't want to feel sick anymore.

I don't want to feel any more stress.

You add stress to my life- I'm going to despise you... I'm just telling that to you ahead of time.

I don't want to quit work, but I know I'm doing the right thing.

I don't want any advice while I'm sick, thank you for your opinions though.

A word of advice- if you call me after chemo, I probably won't answer. Why? Well, chemo freezes or for a short time "kills" your nerves. Unfortunately, my tongue, lips, eyes, and half of my face is part of that. Along with my nerves in my hands and legs and feet. So, I don't want to or can't get up to get my phone... and I talk funny for a few days after because my face is randomly spazzing out. I can barely write either, it looks like I'm back in first grade learning my ABCs.

I don't want to do chemo. I don't want to move. I don't want to quit working. I'm not quitting school. I want my doctor to start listening to me. I want to skip to June. I don't want to drive in the snow tomorrow. And guess what? I am moving, I am quitting work, I am driving in the snow tomorrow, I probably will be attempting to speak to people on the phone after chemo, I will attempt to talk to my doctor, and I will do the chemo. I will still feel stress, I will allow myself to go through this sickness every two weeks, and I will still try to be diplomatic in situations even when I am sick.

Sometimes, life just plain right out sucks. Guess what? You have to toughen up and own up to it.
It's just a vicious circle, isn't it?