Today I was talking to cancer patients while sitting in the chair. It was nice hearing about their trials and comparing side effects. Our small little group in the back of the chemo room came to the conclusion that indeed: A person will not go until they are ready and it is their time. Boy, I'm not sure how some of these cancer patients do it! They are 70 some are close to 80s and they still do this crap? Now that is a fighter till the end. I have a different outlook on life. I have a place to go to...which is far better than Earth. Fighting to stay on Earth for 5 more years, just to die later... psh... please. Morbid? Slightly. Although, I just want heaven and to be wrapped around in my fathers arms. To not remember the years of pain is rewarding enough.
I understand fighting it when you are my age, even 50s or 60s. Although, sometimes, you just have to let go and be at peace at where you are going to.
There is another point that my little group touched on. You do it for those you love. Whether it be friends or family. If it was just you, I would say, screw it. Instead you go through the treatments and survive (hopefully) for those you love. It, in all dead honesty, is not about you. It is about saving your life but for your loved ones. People live for Love. (By God's Grace and his Love)
So round 2 of the 8 was today. It's worse this time. My hands contract in weird shapes and find it difficult to move. My tongue freezes up and feels huge, thus making it hard to speak properly. My knees and calves feel weird and it's hard to move them in proper way. My throat feels like it is closing. (it's not...) Sickness hits at weird times, walking up stairs is hard, and blackouts are frequent.
The best thing to do after a chemo round is to go home, lay down, focus on breathing, and daydream. Don't force yourself to do anything, don't talk that much...just listen, and do the things you love. I've learned that lesson well.
I get hyper-emotional and hyper-sensitive a little before chemo and 4 days afterward. It's best just to leave me be. I'll probably be slightly crazy, down, not talkative, and slightly depressed....but I'm still Jo and I will be bouncing back soon. (once the chemo gets out.)
One more little thing. Even though I'm sick, I will still try my best to help you if you are sad. And when you cry, I'll cry...no matter what it's about. If you have a hug for me- I'll take it. If you want to have a philosophical discussion, I'm good to go. Don't think of my as a baby though... I've got some wisdom under my sleeves that may surprise you. :)
Love love. Keep praying. Got questions? Ask away.
2 comments:
Hello! Thanks for the update! I really do loving hearing how things are going for you! I may not like what I hear, but then I know what you need! I'm sorry to hear that things are not very good right now for you! I'm hugging you! I hope you can get lots of rest until you are feeling better! I hope you have some awesome dreams about what is to come after this is all done, like a wedding:)
Take care!
Love you
You know what... you are extremely inspiring, Jo. I am in awe with how strong your faith and perspective is through this battle. My grandmother was much like you in that way - she fought pancreatic cancer and I know her faith and positivity kept her going far longer than others who were fighting a similar battle around her. The doctors were amazed she made it as far as she did being as ill as she was. You are young. You are strong. You are full of so much life. Your thoughts are truly so encouraging to listen to. I have so much respect for you. Really, you're incredibly beautiful.
Keep fighting, Jo... The Lord is on your side and so are we as we keep you in prayer.
Thank you for your sharing.
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