Fertility Doctor

Hey!

So I'm posting this one kind of late. I had work, school, and fertility doctor to go to today.
I love hearing/ reading what others think about this blog. Your comments, questions, opinions and whatever else are welcomed here. I read everything that is posted by people, even though I may not respond all the time. I do like reading other things beside my own words, ya know? hehe.

Today was another test, it hasn't fully set into my mind but I know what effects it will have in the future.
The fertility doctor did not have that great of news. She was very kind and sensitive to my situation but in a way she kind of gave off the feeling that I would ave a very low chance of having children.
We ran through all the possible options and prices. Invitro fertilization is out of the question. It is approximately 12-15,000 dollars. It has a 60% chance of being successful and I would have to do 6 weeks of pills and/or injections to do certain things to the eggs. I do not have 6 weeks to dwell on this. Just think, if you don't have me then there are no children...might as well try to preserve me before the eggs.
There is another test that is totally experimental, with a low success rate. It is where they would take out an ovaries and freeze it. It's about 2,000 dollars and then after a year we have to pay each year that we want to keep it frozen.
Just to give you a further peek into this situation, my uterus may also be scarred and damaged in the radiation process. This would ultimately lead to either me not being able to have children or it would be possible. However, when I get into the 2nd trimester, I may have serious complications and an early birth of the baby.
No doctor knows the answer of what is going to happen, it is different for every woman. So basically all I can do is put my faith to the test once again and rely on God that he provides a child in future, if it's the right thing and safe.
Of course there is adoption, which I am very fond of. Either way, I will have my own children, adopt, or become a foster parent to many children. Even if I adopt, I will still want to be a foster parent. It would just be nice to have a child or two, adopted or not, to be my own.

So.... not the best of news but hey! What does the doctor know about my body? I may come out of this and be able to have as many kids as I want and then I can adopt as well! ha. I really don't want that many kids and I always was leaning towards adoption of babies. It would be nice just to have at least one of my own though.

It was a bad night last night. It is not an easy road and emotions are very raw. Some days I can handle the jokes about losing hair, or of scopes (I had three...bah.), or about greasy food that I would puke up later....bahahahahaha! Some days, though, I can't take it and can easily be angered. I think it all depends on your tone of voice and who you are in relation to me.

It's easy to get upset about the small things, until you realize there are the big things still ahead. It is even easier to look ahead and get depressed. This is not easy. I am the only one in the chemo chair, everyone else just watches and feels sorry. It's not a bad thing, it's just the truth of how things go. In those moments I just need some people to help me back up and show me the hope.

I can't let my mind get ahead of me nor just be in a fantasy world... It is a mind balancing act. :)

This is just another test to see if God will come through with a miracle and allow me to have just one child... you can never lose hope. If you do lose hope, then you lose the will to fight and to live. That is my perspective on things.