A lot of people have asked me how I have felt about this whole thing and to post other things besides updates. Even though I find it weird of how many people are reading this, I'll go ahead because I enjoy writing. (although it usually is poetry that I write...)
Let's get some things cleared up for everyone: I am sometimes blunt. This time is a very stressful time and it's better not to keep everything kept in. I hate gossip. So, let's be blunt.
When you see me, I'll probably smile and crack jokes.
When you ask me how I am, I will tell you that I'm fine... even though sometimes I'm not.
When you tell me that I should quit work and school, I'll glare at you and think of how pathetic and retarded that is to be a quitter. (but I won't tell that to your face...haha)
When you ask me how much pain I am in... I will think of how stupid it is to make me think and dwell on it.
When you look at me and be sad and depressed, I will think you are wasting your life being sad when you could be optimistic and talk to me about it.
But everyone needs to cry. I've cried, probably will some more. It makes me feel better. It's a good process for everyone...
When you ask me about my view on God. I will answer that I am a strong and true Christian who won't turn away. Why would you even ask that? Maybe you just don't know me yet and we need to talk... (lol.)
The walk to recovery is slow and hard, I need prayer.
Comfort objects always make the road to recovery nicer. They do comfort you. However, nothing can replace the comfort of people talking to you, prayers, and having optimistic views around you. Nor can they make the fact going away that you are probably about to go through close to hell and then back again. :)
I'm going to get a new ipod because I think deserve one...and when I'm sitting in a chair for a few hours while hundreds of chemicals drip into my body (trust me, I could be waaayy more descriptive with this) I want to be somewhere else other than my present state. Like I have said before... I'll just keep thinking that I'm going to make it, know it, and believe it. This doesn't mean I have to wrap my head around what is happening.
I wanted to go to California. I'm not too sure if I can. Doctor said that radiation can not be interrupted. Please pray that I can go and be done with radiation by then.
I love everyone, thanks for checking, and I'll keep posting. I hope all is well in your lives!
Cheers! : )
9 comments:
Jo, you are amazing and i'm sure you get that from people in your life! Don't quit school or work because I feel it gives you something else to think about and keeps you busy! Keep up the good work, especially the positive attitude! It will help with this trial you are going through. I've never gone throufgh this trial, but different kinds of trials, and being positive helps you get through it! God loves you and he's always with you everywhere you go!!
I check this blog often, because it makes me feel connected to you, even though I haven't met you yet!
God is in control and he will help you through this trial. I tell you this from experience!
I love you along with Ryan, and both your families, but most importantly along with God!
Though we aren't too close, I have to say reading this blog has just amazed me. You are really such a strong woman! Though you are going through this indescribably (that doesn't look like its spelled right, but my mac isn't telling me otherwise...hmm...) scary and painful thing, and yet you still manage to write blogs that sound like you are smiling when you write them. I know that you don't always feel as cheery as you may try to come across, but just know that even though you are going through this scary, painful time, you are still managing to minister to others! You have a tough road ahead of you, and no one can truly go through this but you, but know that you have got tons of people praying for you, thinking about you, and trying to figure out anything they can do to try to make cancer better (get out of cancer free card, anyone?). I think when I began this comment, I had a point, but after blabbering as only I know how, I have lost it. All I know is, you are a tough broad, Jo. You really amaze me every time I read your blog. Stay strong, know we all love you, and, as always, you are constantly in my prayers (I was about to type "our", but I am sitting in a room alone, there is not enough people here to make an "our"....though the "our" was meant to be everyone who knows about the cancer, but it just would have ended up sounding schizophrenic). Anyway, blabbering and my own feeble attempts to make you smile aside, luv ya, and I'm praying for you! You're great!
Hi Jo,
Thank you for allowing us to follow you on this incredible faith journey that you are beginning. We lift you up in prayer and send positive thoughts your way. We will pray for peace, patience and understanding as you begin your treatment. There is something wonderful being part of the family of God that joins all of us together - whether we know each other or not. God bless you Jo!
You said you like to write poetry, what's stopping you? Let it fly girl!
Hi Jo,
This is such a scary thing for anyone to go through. You seem to be doing well, I couldn't be as couragious. A few years ago I found a lump in my breast. It seemed like weeks to get throught the mamagram and ultrasound to find out it was just cysts. Even from that I was a wreck.
I think the positive attitude does way more tham people realize.
I have heard of people who were visualizing their bodies internally attacking the cancer actually had significantly better results(for what it's worth).
I loved hearing about Alex. They are sooo much entertainment.
Cale is just a blast!! It makes you appreciate the small things.
I have been praying for you every day and most of the time many times a day.
Sending lots of love,
Your cousin Becki
Heh Princess!
You continue to amaze me with your incredible ability to express your feelings in words. Please keep it up - you are giving us all courage and teaching us how to survive. You are a survivor, always have been, always will be! I saw the strength early in your life with the nerve you had in standing up to anyone for anything. God has given you quite the determination to address life with gusto. Keep it up! As spoken before, maybe we could just wake up and find out this was a bad nightmare. But its life and we will all learn volumes from you. Above all else know how much you are loved by so many! Keep it up, gutsy girl! I am so very proud of you!
Bonnie
Jo-
This is the first blog of yours that I've read - my mom keeps me posted often on some of the newer entries and emails - My new house does not have internet at this point, so either I have to read at work or head over to the 'rents' house. And I do have to get back to the grindstone soon, but wanted to drop you a note... Anyhow, I just thought I needed to tell you that everything I've heard and been able to read is allowing me to get to know you better and helping me to realize how remarkable you are. I think your entries are teaching others a bit about themselves. I'm learning daily :) I really value honesty and sincerity and at times bluntness... put it all together and you find someone who is willing to be REAL with you. And that's what your last entry was. I don't understand why so many people feel like they have to put on a happy face every day and not FEEL anything... if you ask me, that's one pathetic way to live a life. What is the point of it all if you can't feel it? So I really appreciate how honest your blog is - it allows me to get to know you better and get a glimpse into what you're going through. I have never gone through the trials you're facing, so I clearly do not know the "right" things to say... but what I can say is that I really appreciate your sharing this with everyone and hope you know that I think of you often and hope your sense of humor is flourishing in all of this - that's my favorite thing... when things get out of hand in life and I've already done all I can do to control them, I just shrug my shoulders laugh. Because honestly, what else can a person do when they've already done everything?!?! And really, I can think of very few things better in this world to experience than laughter. :)
Hi Jo -
I thought I sent you a blog yesterday, but I don't see it here ... Must have clicked on something incorrectly... or not clicked at all. Who knows ...I'm old & don't always get this new tech stuff. (smile)
I can't believe you have to go through all this, but it sounds like you've got the best attitude you can have right now and that you're getting peace from above to help you along the way. You'll be tired a lot, hopefully not nauseous much. I did the same as you -- tried not to worry about what was happening next, I just put it all in God's hands. God bless you, Jo. I'll keep in touch via your blog (what a great idea--that way we're all not bugging your mom everyday).
Love & Kisses / Marlys
I SAID MINT!
Just me dropping in since i was up at 4am. I was hoping you were losing sleep and would punch Zeus and call me but Oh well, I'll just go cook some JD by myself.
Congrats on the OUTSTANDING grades! I can't imagine how much it cost you to bride the profs for an A and B, but rock on girl! There are so many other kids that have perfect health and drop out - what a bunch of wasted time! No talking about the kid in Kadeena either - as if!!
Anywho, Keep on Keeping on Girl. I'm very, very proud of you and the Ry guy!
"Aint nobody gonna ever love you more".
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